I Heard the Bells

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will toward men

I thought how as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound the carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearthstones of a continent,
And made forlorn, the households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men

What a story this song tells!  It was written during the American civil war.  Stanzas 4-5 mention the battle times and are usually omitted from the hymnals.   In fact, I had never heard of them until I came across them online.  But I wanted to include them because they are so very relevant for the current situation here in South Sudan and in many countries on the African continent.  

With constant unrest always on the horizon here in South Sudan, a country barely 2 years old, the words of this Christmas carol bring new meaning to us. As the next few days pass, we, along with millions of other Sudanese wait to see what will happen.  The threat of civil war is very real.  It breaks our hearts.  To think about the incredible suffering that hundreds of millions faced during the past 22 years of war between the North and the South of Sudan.  To think about the millions of people who died as a result of it.  Most who DID NOT KNOW JESUS.  Most who had NEVER EVEN HEARD HIS NAME.  PLEASE pray earnestly for this country.  As of now, SS government officials are denying that the attempted coup in Juba had anything to do with ethnic tribal disputes between the Dinka and Nuer.  However, the Dinka and Nuer have a very conflicted past as rivals.  As pockets of conflict break out across other SSudan states it seems extremely probable that it is in fact related to the hatred between these two tribes.  More people continue to get injured or die as this situation stretches its violent arm across this new country-its evil fingers leaving blood in its wake.

As a team we are grappling with so many questions.  Why, Lord?  Why NOW?  Our house is ready.  We are ready to move in and get to work.   Ready to share Your Good News with the Dinka.  We are so close yet so far away because of this new security threat.  I mean, we knew it would be likely we would face political unrest because of the instability of this young country, to date the newest country in the world.  Yet we never expected to face it so soon upon our arrival in SSudan (only 1 month in), especially not now!  

We are earnestly seeking the Lord for His direction and His timing.  Earnestly counting the cost of our calling to the lost here in South Sudan.  The continual unrest of SSudan is one of the major reasons why the Dinka are unreached.    

Do we stay now, believing that the Lord has placed us here for such a time as this?  Or do we leave because it is not yet the right time and the Lord is thwarting our way?  Or if we evacuate, would we even be able to get back into SSudan?  Please join us in praying for these major decisions.  Pray for wisdom from our supervisors and our organization as they seek the Lord in this decision.  Every day is filled with much uncertainty as we grapple with these major questions.  We want to be wise and courageous.  Our go bags are packed if we need to evacuate quickly yet we are in the process of moving into our house.  We cling to this passage the Lord showed me just yesterday in our Advent Christmas devotional:

“I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guard post.
There I will wait to see what the LORD says and how He will answer my complaint...
I trembled inside when I heard this; my lips quivered with fear.
My legs gave way beneath me, and I shook in terror.

I will wait quietly for the coming day when disaster will strike the people who invade us.

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty,
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD!  

I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!  
The sovereign LORD is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.”

Habakkuk 2:1, 3:16-19

So we wait!  We have climbed up to the watchtower and we are standing at the guard post.  We will wait to see what the Lord says, knowing He will be faithful to answer with His perfect wisdom.  We will rejoice in the Lord!  Remembering in this Christmas season that He is the ONLY answer to a world broken, bleeding, and scarred by war and conflict that often seems unceasing and unending.  Even though a pending earthquake of civil war threatens the very foundations of South Sudan.  We will choose to hear the bells that ring, telling of Jesus, the hope of our salvation.   When despair looms on the horizon and it seems as if hatred between ethnic rivals will overcome peace. 

God will have the victory, as the lost come to know Him.  God is NOT DEAD,  He does NOT SLEEP or SLUMBER.  The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth, good will to men!

Where Feet May Fail

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Hillsong, 2013

Wow!  The Lord has really used this song to minister to me the past month.  Since we got to the field, it hasn’t been easy.  But it has been worth it.  It has been a year now that we’ve been without a home, and the longest we have ever stayed in one place is two months.  On any given day my emotions can range from being on the mountain top to the lowest valley.  It has actually surprised me how they fluctuate.  I am learning more and more how I have to set aside my emotions and find my joy in the Lord. 

I am discovering that being obedient to the call is more than just going to the field.  It’s keeping the faith that’s the most difficult part of the test.  And we are being tested here in Africa.  It’s hard to keep my head above the waves some times- when the days are long and it seems as if the girls have been crying or complaining all day long.  When I am struggling to learn language and it seems I’ll never get it. When I hear yet another heart-wrenching story of how an African child has endured more hardship in their young years than I ever have in my entire life.  When I’m digging worms out from my body. When Selvin and I are being harassed by police on a daily basis. Being threatened to be shot by the military or enduring horrible, head pounding road conditions to get to our people group a mere 3 hours away from where we’re currently living. Being taken advantage of (with money)  because we are “kauja” (white). When we are faced with life threatening situations and fear grips me....my faith MUST stand no matter what the situation and circumstance.  

It’s days like this, really every day, that I have to remind myself.  I am His!  That will never change.  Nothing or no one can ever take this away from me.  The Lord has NEVER failed me and He won’t start now.  So I pray every day, even moment by moment, Spirit lead me.  I am calling on Your name, my Jesus! Take me deeper in my walk with you.  Make my faith stronger. I am begging you, strengthen me.  Help my trust to be without borders.  Help me to believe that nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with You.  Help my feet to not wander and my eyes to stay focused on You.  

Oh Jesus, my Jesus!  My soul will rest in Your embrace.  

For I am Yours.  

And You are mine.

Praying for Rain in Kaabong

Simon Teko, Jeremy and Robert leading the prayer meeting for rain

Written June 6, 2013

Echelon Base Camp

Kaabong, Uganda

It is supposed to be rainy season here in Kaabong in the land of Karamojo.  However, the rains have not come for 2 months!  The Karamajong people are very worried because they had planted their crops at the beginning of the usual rainy season but since the rains have not come, the crops have not grown, resulting in starvation here.  The people have gone to witch doctors and made animal sacrifices-to no avail.  Our team leader Jeremy recommended to the local believers (specifically our 3 growing church planters Simon Teko, Ngloe, and Nalabae) that we gather and pray for rain.  So a call for prayer was sent out for people to join us at the rock (just up the drive way from our base camp and a local meeting place for the people) beginning a few mornings ago.  Jeremy opened up the prayer meeting by prophesying that God would send the rain TODAY if we prayed.  Selvin shared with me later that he had doubts when J proclaimed this and as they were praying he looked up and there was not a cloud in the sky-all sunny!  Simon Teko led them in singing some Karamajong Christian songs and Selvin said as they ended the singing he saw a small cloud rising in the east.  After the meeting our Echelon team sent out a call for prayer to our US partners through Facebook and Twitter.  And praise God within the hour He sent rain!

Karamajong women and children praising God for the rain!

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For the past 3 days we have gathered every morning for prayer at the rock.  All 3 days it has rained! So many Karamajong nationals gathered to pray.  Thank You Jesus!  You have been multiplying the number of people who come every morning since we started a few days ago.  I know many may come out of curiosity but for whatever reason, let them come so they can see Your mighty working power!  

It’s so sad to see how worried everyone is here because of having planted their crops that won’t grow without rain.  Everyone is hungry.  It breaks my heart and I don’t know exactly how to deal with the ever growing need.  Give me wisdom!

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The Karamojong have continued to meet and pray and God continues to bless them with rain.  Please keep praying for steady rains that soak into the ground so the crops can grow!  

Longolomoe (the widow who attempted suicide a year ago but God saved!)
She has been attending the prayer meetings.  Please pray for her salvation!

We are trying to provide supplemental work (like washing our cars) for our Karamajong Christian friends like Ngloe (he’s one of the national church planters in training and a language teacher).   The JIA (neighboring tribe who come at night to raid cattle, food, or goods) recently stole all of Ngloe’s remaining food and he has none to feed his family.  He shared with me yesterday that his wife is pregnant again like me.  I felt so honored that he told me this “secret” not normally expressed in African culture.

Selvin playing the drum during the singing!

God, I pray that we would be fervent in praying for rain and that we would teach the Karamajong believers this discipline and the necessity of seeking You and not the spirit world in desperation.  Isaiah (An elder and one of our friends who is interested in spiritual things but hasn’t made the decision to follow Christ completely) has been in the hospital for several weeks now very sick with malaria and is also suffering from a fall.  Previously before this sickness, Isaiah had sacrificed a bull under pressure from his people to try and cause the rains to come because he is the elder of this community.  

God, I pray Your power would continue to be revealed by sending rain and those who don’t know You would come to know You because of this provision in their lives.  I also lift up Isaiah and pray for healing and a saving faith to come to him. I pray for complete salvation in You and for him to be entirely separate from animism and synchronism.  Help Isaiah to see Your power through healing him and bringing rain.  I know that nothing is impossible for You!  

Abigail dancing while we praised God for the rain!  

The Dark Underbelly of African Life and Culture

This post is from the final days of our 40/40 training.  We had just finished our “home stay” time-a 3 day stay with a local Zambian family in their village.  We lived exactly like them-eating what they ate, bathing how they bathed, sleeping in the huts like they did, etc.  These are a few thoughts from our experience.

Written May 14, 2013

Zambia

40/40 Training

We are in our final days of 40/40!  Our debriefing time takes place at a retreat center in Zambia.  It is beautiful-with nice A/C rooms, warm showers, and a swimming pool! I had a pretty good night of sleep and a shower this morning-yay!  Lots of nice water pressure-a commodity in the land of Africa!  :)  This morning we have a time for a personal spiritual retreat. Abby is at “school” watching a movie (“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”) and going swimming with the kids later.  She was so excited to go to school today!  

Bertha, me and Abigail

Bertha & Gersham, Selvin & Abigail, Melvin & Cynthia

I have giardia, ugh!  But just got started on meds so hopefully I won’t have it as bad as the first time I got it a few months back.  It’s a gorgeous day-it’s the fall season here in Zambia, so a little chill is in the air and it’s cold in the mornings and evenings. Lord, I thank You for such a beautiful day.  I praise You for our learning opportunity during our home stay this weekend at Gersham and Bertha’s house.  We learned so much about the daily life of Africans.  They were really hospitable and we really enjoyed getting to know their kids, Cynthia (6 years old) and Melvin (10 years old).  Cynthia was precious-she loved to sing and dance.  Her and Abby were really cute together-especially singing their own version of “Head and Shoulders”.  Bertha and Gersham have really struggled in their marriage and financially over the past couple of years.  But the past year they have really been seeking the Lord and plugged in with a local Baptist church.  They were so gracious to us-feeding us the best they had every meal and even offering us snacks in between (ground nuts boiled or roasted fresh from their fields and watermelon).  

God, help us to stay faithful in praying for them and even staying in touch the best we can.  Some of our most favorite times with them were eating together-sitting under the shade of a tree in their backyard on a bamboo mat.  My favorite was supper time as it grew darker and the stars began to come out.  Breathtaking!  The stars just seem more vibrant and beautiful here in Africa.  

Abby playing with the village kids

I think what stood out to me the most this weekend was getting more of a glimpse into the dark underbelly of African life and culture.  I am learning that it will take years to learn and even then there are so many taboos and secrets of Africa.  Even the pastors we spoke to in Zambia don’t always know who in their congregation still goes to see the witch doctor (unless someone else tells on them).  So they preach about it to their congregation often and trust in the Holy Spirit to move.  

From the outside looking into the Zambian villages it is really quite picturesque-cute little straw roofs placed on top of mud huts surrounded by animal pens (for goats, pigs, cattle, chickens, ducks, etc).  The dirt yards are always neatly swept and are set against the beautiful back drop of fields and trees that stretch on for miles and miles.  It’s easy to assume life is simpler here and in some minor ways it truly is because besides cell phones and radios there are no other technological innovations to distract. (We as a western culture can certainly learn from it in a number of ways.)  

But you live with the people for just a few days and you begin, just BEGIN to find out how hard life truly is here in Africa every day.  Cooking over a charcoal fire, toting water for everything from the bore hole, (used for cooking, bathing, drinking...) dealing with rats, snakes, ants and spiders in the small space on the dirt floor you sleep on.  It is hard, tedious work just to survive each day.  Besides this daily, consuming work you have the problems of sickness, disease, malnutrition, coming up with school fees for your children on your meager income, and the worry of a low crop yield because of little rain.  

Some of the village kids, Diliysio is in the very front (with the sucker in his mouth)

Bertha shared with me a few stories of kids I met during our home stay visit.  Diliysio is a little boy about 11 years old who was born with crippled feet-he walks on the sides of them.  His father is the head man of their village and a few years ago took a second wife.  She was jealous of his first wife and had her murdered.  Bertha wouldn’t share any of the details but when I asked her why that woman wasn’t in jail for her crime, she said it was because the murder was done by witchcraft.  God really drew this little boy close to my heart-he was over at our house all the time and went to church with us on Sunday.  (Bertha says he usually goes with them.)  It was evident he’s interested in spiritual things by his answers during the kids’ Sunday School class I sat in on.  We were able to give him a little card with a Bible verse on top and a sucker before we left their home.  Diliysio came back with the sweetest little note saying that he loved us.  Lord, please help us to be faithful in praying for him.  It was so hard to say goodbye to him.  

Abby, Cynthia, Regina (in tan shirt, green skirt) & other village kids giving baby dolls a bath! 

Then there was precious little Regina, about 4 1/2 years old whose mother had abandoned her and her 4 sisters when she was only a baby to become a prostitute.  Regina lives with her elderly grandmother.  She was such a precious little girl with big, beautiful eyes and a huge smile.  The Lord really drew my heart to hers this weekend.  She too was at Gersham and Bertha’s house all the time and she stuck close to my side during a memorial service we attended Saturday (for several hours).  Her and Abby became fast friends-tickling each other-so cute!  It was extremely difficult to say goodbye to her. I left a little card with a Bible verse with her as well with a note saying we’d be praying for her and Bertha read it to her.  

God, please help us to be faithful in praying for her!  You kept me awake last night really praying for her and orphans-Selvin and I both feel like for several years You’ve told us You want us to adopt.  We’ve always felt like we would come across certain orphans in our paths You would specifically put there for this purpose.  But we’ve never seriously considered the importance of being ready for this at all times because we don’t know when this will come.  Meeting Regina this weekend really showed me the urgency of this matter.  God, please give me and Selvin Your wisdom in this matter.  We want to be obedient-first by preparing, secondly by always keeping a watchful eye, and thirdly by being courageous and diligent in caring for orphans.  Give us Your wisdom from above!

The Presence of Asian Indians in Africa

This post is from the second half of our 40/40 training where we were in the rural city of Petauke, camping out in tents and using squatty potties.

Written May 4, 2013

Petauke, Zambia

40/40 Training

Our DFA (daily field assignment) today was to interview the local Zambians in the villages about medicine and health.  Selvin and I found it really interesting comparing their responses to the Zambians in the city of Lusaka.  Our best conversation today was with some women we shucked corn with-or I did :) I was trying to keep up with them so I got a blister of my left thumb, ha ha!  

We had a pretty brief conversation with them and they answered all of our questions.  Then they asked Abusa Giverson (a local Baptist pastor who was our helper the whole time we were in Petauke) if they could ask us a question.  We said sure-anything!  One of the women wanted to know where Selvin was from and if it was ok in his culture to marry a white woman.  (This question definitely surprised us!) 

Selvin was able to share his testimony with the ladies and how Jesus had transformed his life and shown him that He loves all people, regardless of race or nationality.  We asked the women what they thought about the Indians in town (there are tons of Asian Indians throughout a lot of Africa who are primarily Hindu or Muslim).  The Zambian ladies expressed how stingy they were and how they mistreated Zambians-a few of them knew from experience because their husbands worked for them.  (Asian Indians who live in Africa usually make up the wealthier class of society and are most often business owners.)  Selvin apologized for his people group and shared that the only thing that would change their hearts was the Gospel.  Then he encouraged them to pray this would happen and challenged them to be bold in sharing the Good News with them.  It was amazing to me because as Selvin shared this, the ladies acted as if this was a whole new truth to them because they had never met an Indian who was a Christian before.  God I pray You would continue to convict them to share Your truth with everyone.  We ended by praying with the ladies.

This is Abusa Giverson!  He rides his bike to the 5 church plants from the mother church where he pastors-sometimes traveling up to 50 km.  He was such an inspiration to us of faithfulness as a pastor doing whatever it takes to build up the kingdom of God.  Please pray for him and his family!

A Second Chance

Written April 27, 2013

Lusaka, Zambia

40/40 Training

2 Timothy 4:1-2:  “I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:  preach the word, be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.”

What an incredible day!  Dear Lord, I praise You that You have taught me so much today.  It was my prayer as I practiced and brushed up on our assignment of telling Creation to Christ that I would truly follow Your Holy Spirit.  Lord, You know my struggle about evangelism.  I feel You’ve revealed to me that I am often too worried about the outcome (with questions that plague me such as “is someone truly saved or not?  Do they really mean it?”, etc.) and I think I use this as an excuse sometimes not to share my faith at all.  When I am only responsible for my part-following in obedience-when You prompt me by the Holy Spirit I must open my mouth and speak!  I must be prepared “in and out of season”, ready at all times to give an answer for the peace I have.  I know it can’t be a formula in which I always share the same way.  That’s why I almost detest tracts, the 4 Spiritual laws, the Roman Road, the ABC’s of salvation, etc. (although we can certainly use the verses in the correct context and I praise You that despite our human errors You still use us to reach others for Your kingdom).  

In following and studying the example of Jesus we never see him use a formula-He met people exactly where they were and started from there-like if it was physical healing they needed:  the blind, deaf, mute, lame, etc.  I think of the rich young ruler who had followed the law all his life yet when Jesus told him to follow him he couldn’t because he wouldn’t let go of his riches.  I think of Zacchaeus as a tax collector who was seeking God and when Jesus ate at his house and shared with him he became not just a believer but also a follower of Christ.  I think of the woman at the well, who Jesus began a conversation with just by asking questions.  He followed her responses and further questions and then shared the Word. 

It’s truly beautiful how God works!  How He meets us where we are-knowing our sins and struggles and answers the questions most dear to our hearts.  He reveals what sin or idol is truly holding us back.  Oftentimes, Jesus didn’t even go to people-instead they came to him.  Like Nicodemus as a ruler of the Pharisees who came at night.  Yet he didn’t understand and we don’t have evidence (in the book of John at least) that he ever became a follower of Jesus.  

Lord, continue to impress on my heart the need to simply obey You in my witnessing-to be sensitive to Your spirit-looking for ways to share Your Good News.  May I be in Your presence so often and so deeply that I cannot help but share how great You are, Your daily grace You’re giving me, and what You’re teaching me.  

I praise You for today! In praying and talking to my team we decided to set out to find Irene (a lady who sells produce at an outdoor market we’ve had conversations with this week) and Maalachi’s house.  It took a lot of walking but we got to both places!  My partner Brooke shared with Irene Creation to Christ and after some further questions we found she was already a believer.  So we encouraged her to share this story with her fellow co-workers, family and friends.  Then we made it to Maalachi’s house.  He was sitting up on the side of his bed about to have bread and tea, looking remarkably stronger than our visit just a few days ago.  His dear mother was overjoyed to see us and his wife (Diane) and daughter were there too!  I had prayed for this on our walk over!  

After the customary African greetings, I asked if I could share a story with them and I shared Creation to Christ.  Thank You Jesus for giving me passion and remembrance for the story.  The whole family listened attentively.  As I finished I asked some questions like-had they heard this story before?  (Yes.) Did they believe it? (Yes.) I found that Diane was a believer and she told me she had led her husband to Christ during his sickness (it was unclear about whether it was during the month he was in the hospital or within the last few days).  It seemed more like the latter because Diane said Maalachi had made the decision as he began to get better.  I was very encouraged because Diane said she had told Maalachi his life would have to change in becoming a Christian and that it would not be easy to live as a follower of Christ.  We talked more about the cost of being a disciple and the price we must all pay.  But we also talked about the peace and joy that can only come from Him. Then we prayed!  

God, thank You so much for our visit today.  Thank You for a second chance to share with this family.  Strengthen and give courage to this dear family.  I pray You will strengthen Maalachi in his faith as a young believer.  Raise him up to the be the spiritual leader for his family.  I feel for Diane as a wife and mother and can’t imagine her challenges as a Christian in a family with AIDs.  Who knows if she and her daughter may have it as well from her husband.  Lord, please give her Your perfect peace that surpasses all understanding and hold her in Your arms always-especially during the harder days.  Keep her reliant on Your Holy Spirit and continue to increase her faith in You.  Keep her plugged into a community of believers and a church who can encourage her and hold her and her family accountable.  I probably won’t ever meet her again in this life time but I pray You will sustain her and her family and raise up believers in generations to come who are true worshipers of You.  May we all worship before Your throne together in glory!

A Home of Hopelessness

The next couple of blogs are about our 40/40 training that we went through in the country of Zambia from April-May.  It consisted of 2 parts-the first half in the city of Lusaka where we stayed in seminary dorms and the second part in the rural city of Petauke where we camped out in tents.  It was a great time of learning about ourselves, increasing our faith in God, and learning about African culture.  We also had daily field assignments to complete to assist us in our learning.  We are so thankful for this experience.  The following blogs capture some of the highlights!

Written April 25, 2013

Lusaka, Zambia

40/40 Training

Today was pretty tough, heart-wrenching really.  We visited a man named Maalachi who was suffering from HIV. (Although his mom said it was TB caused by pneumonia, our Zambian helper, Edna, later told us once we left his house that it was the “elephant in the room” and so Africans usually don’t come out and say their disease is HIV.)  It was very sad to be there-I think I went into the visit a little overly confident.  I’ve been on many hospital and death bed visits back in America.  They were never easy of course, by I had a little experience under my belt.  However, this was SO different.  Shame on me for making too much of my American experiences and trying to make Africa fit into that box.  

As soon as we walked into the room I could feel the darkness and lack of hope.  Maalachi was lying in bed partly asleep and moaning in pain frequently. His brother was there but he wanted us to wait to begin our visit until his mother came in.  So we waited a few minutes-in awkward silence.  I began to pray for God’s wisdom and healing.  His mother arrived a few minutes later-she was so sweet and very excited that we were at their house.  Maalachi wanted to eat something so his mom got the brother to start cooking-some greens and rice.  Then he wanted to sit up but couldn’t do it on his own because he was too weak.  At first he wanted his mom to lift and carry him but she was only strong enough to aid him.  She helped him sit up on the side of the bed.  Before Maalachi sat up, he was covered in a blanket and while lying down we couldn’t see how bad of a condition he was in.  But once he began his struggle to sit up and the covers were pulled back, we could see how very sick and frail he was-his legs had wasted away to mere skin and bones.  His mom had mentioned during our inquiry of what was wrong that he had only just left the hospital after being there over a month.  (I was puzzled back during our visit to see how weak he was after that stay...it made sense later on once Edna had explained the “elephant in the room”.)  

I didn’t know what to do as his mom struggled to help him swing his legs over the bed and sit up-it was hard not to stare because he was moaning and grimacing with pain.  I had to bite my lip to fight back tears.  We learned he was married with a baby girl-but his wife was now at the clinic because the baby was sick with a cough.  I asked if we could pray for him, his family, and his mom and we did.  I could feel God’s power and presence in the room as He filled the place and gave us the words to intercede for them.  When we finished I felt like there was hope and more of a peaceful atmosphere in this small little home-at least it was clearly evident in the mom’s demeanor. 

We had brought a gift for the family, a cultural expectation/respectful gesture.  (Edna had recommended that the best thing for this family was to buy them some groceries-sugar, juice, toothpaste, laundry soap, etc.)  The mom was very appreciative.  As we left, saying our goodbyes and letting them know they would continue to be in our prayers-I felt somewhat like a failure.  I have no doubt we ministered to the mother-she clearly voiced how encouraged she was and gave her blessings on our ministry before we departed.  But I didn’t feel like we had reached the sick man, Maalachi-he seemed so out of it.  

God, You only know.  I pray we were faithful to minister to them in a way that pleased You and somehow touched Maalachi’s confused mind. In my head dear Jesus, I know You have the power to heal anyone, at anytime.  But I feel such a disconnect between my head and my heart in this area.  I don’t truly believe this if my actions don’t reveal it.  How do I know when You want to heal someone and when You are not (according to Your perfect plan)?  I confess I have fear because I’m afraid that if I take that step of faith to heal in Your name that it won’t happen...leaving the person involved doubting You or at the very least me embarrassed.   HOW DO I KNOW?  By working in the Holy Spirit I know is part if not all of the answer.  Is this my lack of faith and preparation and reliance on my own strength?  Show me dear Jesus!  Take away the blinders separating me from this kind of powerful, working, Holy Spirit faith.  Teach me oh Lord, I want to learn!

Forgive me for not being bold in sharing the Gospel-You know my mixed feelings about being fearful and not knowing what to say versus not wanting to use “conversion practices from America”.  I don’t want to put You in that kind of box.  Although I often limit myself I guess by creating another seemingly “nonconformist” box of my own and not wanting to use evangelistic tactics at all.  Thereby I limit You any way because I’m not seeking and continually following Your Holy Spirit.  

I pray for another opportunity to visit this man’s house again to share the Gospel.  Oh, I need Your wisdom!  Give me and my team clarity! 

Read my following blog “A Second Chance” to hear how God worked!