What is Your Costing Point? Part 2 of 2

Many people ask us how we got here to Africa.  We didn’t just wake up one day with God’s calling as clear as a bell to go transplant our lives to this third world country (if that were the case we probably would have run away screaming!)  It began with a series of small steps of obedience to Him-when He provided us with ministry opportunities while we were in college: leading Bible studies, discipling other believers, being mentored ourselves by older, mature believers in the way of the Lord.  Allow me to share with you some of our journey of obedience to God…..

In the midst of our daily “yeses” to God, He also called us to local missions in the downtown soup kitchen, public schools, nursing homes….to state missions throughout Georgia in youth detention centers, pet therapy in children’s homes, aiding orphans and widows.  

We followed Him in obedience to national missions throughout the US-to New Orleans to help rebuild houses after Hurricane Katrina, to Alabama with World Changers, to Florida with M-Fuge.  

We served Him in obedience internationally through mission trips to Thailand to serve the people affected by the tsunami, to India to minister to school students, orphans, and encourage pastors in churches, to Haiti to help strengthen churches after the earthquake. 

If you say yes to God in the small acts of obedience, the opportunities to minister to a hurting, bleeding world are absolutely endless. Along the way, the Lord grew us in our faith and because we were actively involved in serving others, I truly believe we were able to be in tune to the Lord’s leading when He did indeed call us to Africa.  And while we are currently serving in South Sudan, it is a daily process of taking up our cross and being obedient to God.  This is by no means the end-we didn’t figure everything out in our arriving on the field here, we don’t know how long the Lord will have us serve here before He leads us elsewhere.  But today, right now, we are seeking to live surrendered to His will alone in our lives so we can be faithful servants.  To say yes to God and no to our selfish desires that get in the way of serving Him with all our heart, soul, and mind.

 It is through these faithful acts of love and obedience to the Lord that He will build up Your faith.  And what is so beautiful is that all of our callings of service are so unique-there is no certain way to serve the Lord.  “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” If you are able to give your costing point over to the Lord what He gives you in return is of far more worth-it is eternal, forever.  You Will. Not. Regret. It.

What is Your Costing Point? Part 1 of 2

“Does it not stir up our hearts, to go forth and help them, does it not make us long to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in darkness?”

Amy Carmichael, A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliott

I love this!  How convicting! I feel this articulates our call from the great commission in such a powerful way.  She continues…..

“You who can resist the half-articulate pleading of many and many a heart today, can you resist this?  From millions of voiceless souls, it is rising now-does it not touch you at all?  The missionary magazines try to echo the silent sob.  You read them?  Yes, and you skim them for good stories, nice pictures, bits of excitement-the more the better.  Oh!  you-you, I mean, who are weary of hearing the reiteration of the great unrepealed commission, you who think you care, but who certainly don’t, past costing point, is there nothing will touch you?”  

My heart weeps at these words.  My eyes overflow with tears.  For the Word of God says that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  And Jesus instructs his followers to pray for workers to be sent into the harvest.  NOT for the harvest itself.  For God is already, yes, He is ALWAYS moving and working.  Pouring out His Spirit upon the thirsty souls of people in desperate need of Him.  

EVERY DAY we see the reality here in SS, there are too few workers.  There are so many thirsty souls here longing for discipleship.  We are here but we are 2 families among thousands of unreached peoples who need to hear the hope that the Gospel brings.  It is true that it is the Lord who does the work-yet He calls us as His chosen and anointed ones to live among the lost-to be His light in our earthly bodies-to show the people what it means for theology to have skin on in the form of being sanctified by His glorious, life-changing love, truth, and grace.

I truly believe the Lord has brought us here to SS for such a time as this-after decades of civil war this baby country needs to be fed, yes the physical needs are here as famine threatens to overwhelm many parts of this country, but even more so spiritually speaking.  There are COUNTLESS opportunities to serve here in various capacities.  I pour my heart out like water before the Lord and beg Him to send workers.  Will you answer His call for Your life?  Don’t say that He hasn’t called you.  For He has.  It is His command to us in the Great Commission.  You may say you care for the souls of the lost but truly what is your costing point?  

What is the point in your life where you dig in your heels, hold on tight and say, “Nope!  Can’t do that Lord!”  Or maybe you don’t resist the Lord quite so blatantly-maybe you keep yourself so busy without a spare minute because if you stop, if you have some quiet, your soul begins to speak out of it’s gaping hole.   What is the point in your life where you don’t want to release your control and give it to the Lord?  Is it a person?  You think surely the Lord understands that they need you.  Your family?  Your health?  For God has all things in His control and He does care.  He wants you to let go and trust Him with all your heart as you follow in obedience to Him.  Don’t expect to have all the answers-you won’t.  You must trust God little by little and follow Him. 

Fire Will Test Our Work

I have started reading “A Chance to Die”, the missionary biography on Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliott.  I’ve always been drawn to Amy Carmichael.  Only a few chapters in, I am so encouraged by what I’ve read.  Amy grew up in a loving, Christian home, surrounded by parents who taught her and her siblings fervently in the ways of the Lord.  Amy served others from a very early age and was inspired by 1 Corinthians 3:12-14 “Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-each one’s work will become manifest, for the day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.” 

Wow!  These words struck me to my core.  Because truth be told, there are many good things we can do for people.  But God wants us to do GREATER things for His glory.  He doesn’t want us to be caught up with things that don’t really matter-that suck our energy away and prevent us from doing the things that point others to His glory-the things that are KINGDOM MINDED and ETERNAL.   I often catch myself saying yes to too many things and then being overwhelmed and unable to really invest in the things that really matter and that have eternal significance.  

Dear Jesus, I pray You will enable us to do work in faith and obedience to you-that it may be with gold, silver and precious stones-things that are not easily come by.  Things that take time to be refined in us-in our deepest trials and circumstances.  

Help it not to be work done hastily (as with wood, hay, or straw)- in my flesh or in disobedience.  I am reminded daily of how great our task is here in South Sudan.  Many days it feels like our whole house goes up in smoke with only ashes remaining-when Selvin and I argue or fight, when the girls are having a bad day and I haven’t given them the grace needed, when little things are getting under my skin and I’ve spent all my energies worrying after them, when cultural expectations overwhelm me-whew!  

God, help me to keep my eyes so focused on you that these days become fewer and farther between; teach me how to handle them with more grace so I can reflect Your tender mercy. I cling to Your Word in Nahum 1:7 that says “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in Him.”

Be His

BE HIS.

What does it mean to belong to someone?  If you're dating someone then you probably feel this attachment.  If you are a part of a team-be it basketball, cheerleading, football, band, glee club, chorus or chess club...then you know that feeling of being a part of a bigger, collective someone.  How great it feels to be united and to accomplish something.  

So what does it mean to be HIS?  A child of the King.  To belong to the Maker of all the heavens and earth.  He who formed you in the womb.  He who knows the number of every hair on your head.  He who has numbered your days.  Do you really know who you belong to?  I have to confess that I often forget.  I get caught up in the struggles and problems of my day to day life and I forget Who it is that I serve.

Do you believe that the God of Abraham, Moses and Joshua is your God?  Do you act like you believe it?  For our actions reveal what we really believe.  We have the promise that our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  Our modern society may claim that the Bible is old and outdated but the reality is that there is nothing new under the sun.  The world may look different and may have changed in many ways, yet man in his carnal state still thirsts after and desires the same things.  God has not changed in His infinite power, wisdom and love.   

We still serve the same God of Daniel, Esther, and David.  Maybe you need to take some time and dig back in the Word and relish the LIFE of these stories.  Ask God to remove your unbelief.  God STILL takes us out of the mouths of lions!  He still parts the Red Sea!  He still places His people exactly where He wants them "for such a time as this".  He still delivers His people out of the fiery furnace.  The only thing that limits His power is our unbelief.  Do people look at you and say "I want to know the God they serve"?  I pray it is so.  You must pray that this is so.  Do you make others hungry for God?

The only way you can ever hold this power is by being His.  Taking the time every day to rest in His presence.  To get away from all the noise and busyness of life and listen only to His voice-turn off your I-Phone, computer, I-Pod and get alone with Him.  Listen for the Holy Spirit to direct you.  Talk to Him constantly throughout your day.  Praise Him for all the good things He has given you.  Beg Him to give you His strength when hardships and trials come your way.  Pray that they push you to Him and change you to look more like Him.  Hudson Taylor, an international missionary, said "It doesn't matter how great the pressure is.  What really matters is where the pressure lies, whether it comes between me and God or whether it presses me nearer His heart."  

Matthew 16:25 says "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me will find it."  The choice is yours; will you be His?  You can trust that while it will be difficult, it will all be worth it in the end.

Be Last

BE LAST.

So what do you want to be when you grow up?  Do you know what college you want to attend once you graduate?  Have you registered for the classes that put you on the right track to follow the career path you (or your parents, or maybe both) want?  Are you dating anyone?  Have you bought the latest I-phone?  

There are so many pressures on the American student today.  You live in a society where you're constantly pushed so much to become someone-to do something with your life-that this usually results in putting your needs above the needs of others.  I mean, how else is it going to get done?  When is there the time and energy to give generously of yourself?  

And love deeply?  You tried love a couple of times and that boy or girl only broke your heart.  I mean, you love your friends, at least the ones who stick close beside you.  You're told that the only way to achieve and be what you want to be is to do it yourself-to look out for yourself because no one else is going to do it.  And if you work hard enough, you can do anything!  

In Philippians 2 we are given the instruction to humbly "consider others as more important than yourselves".  It wasn't that long ago that I was in your shoes and I remember that constant pressure.  Yet, I also remember the joy that came when I put others' needs above myself.  When I took the time to listen to a friend who was really struggling with something-to help lighten the burden they carried even just a little bit-the Lord in turn provided me with the strength and grace I needed for a certain task.  When I followed His leading and led a Bible study for younger girls, He still gave me the time and discipline to do well in school while holding a job and playing tennis.  Or when I obeyed God when He called me on a mission trip during my spring break.

Time after time, after time, the Lord ALWAYS came through for me and gave me just what I needed.  This philosophy certainly goes against every thing our modern day society tells us.  And the reality is, putting yourself last will NEVER be glamorous and hardly ever enjoyable; I mean think of what it cost Jesus.  He was ridiculed and often misunderstood.  He stood up for the outcast of society-the lame, the sinners.  He was definitely not popular and oftentimes he made people so mad they chased him out!  He suffered and bled and DIED.  

Every time you put yourself last-every time you die to yourself to put the needs of someone else before yours-you are being obedient to God.  Let it be our ever growing desire to sacrifice greatly just as our Savior did so that "at the name of Jesus every knee will bow-of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth-and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father!"  

Be Real

BE REAL.

Staying power.  That's what authentic community gives us as followers of Christ.  But it comes at quite a cost.  It comes only when we sacrifice greatly.  We must be real with each other-with our struggles-our deep, dark secrets that we are embarrassed or ashamed about.  Because the reality is-as a body of believers-when one of us suffers we all suffer.  We mourn together.  We rejoice together-worshipping joyfully to our Giver or Life.  We rejoice together after we have come alongside a brother or sister and helped to carry their burden.  When we have sacrificed our time to sit and listen to their pain.  When we have prayed fervently together.  For everything there is a season and a purpose under heaven. 

To be quite honest, it is EXTREMELY difficult to live in close community.  We live in very close quarters with our team in South Sudan.  Because of this reality, it is impossible for any of us to have a bad day without all of us knowing it.  It is hard to lay down your pride and live transparently.  Living this way it is impossible to maintain your mask.  But what an opportunity to grow this gives us!  When my team members see all the ugliness that lies in my heart-that overflows on rough days-the REAL me, my default setting, I am faced with a choice.  Will I swallow my pride, be humble, confess my sin, ask for forgiveness, and embrace the  unconditional love and accountability they offer me?  Or will I pretend like nothing happened, brush it aside and hope they forget about it?  Of course, the first choice is the most difficult.  Yet when I accept the community that my team offers me, this is when I grow the most.  My team sees me at my best, my worst, and they hear me pour out my heart about how I long to be.  They mirror God's love for me-they forgive me and love me even when I don't deserve it. Colossians 3:12 says "we are God's chosen ones, holy and loved..." and God longs for us to rely on Him to make us all these things.  To mold us into the image of Him so that our ugly default setting slowly turns to a beautiful thing and no matter how much we're shaken, JESUS comes out!

How my heart is so thankful for the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 1:9, "He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began."  We have a HOLY calling as followers of Christ!  And holiness cannot and will not be achieved if we are left to our own devices, if we try to do it alone.  We MUST have the accountability of fellow brothers and sisters of Christ.  For we are in a war here on earth.  C.S. Lewis said, "Enemy-occupied territory-that is what this world is.  Christianity is the story of how the rightful King has landed...and is calling us to take part in a great campaign of sabotage."  

So BE REAL!  Join hands with your brothers and sisters in Christ-confess your sins to one another and worship our God joyfully-following Him with all your heart, soul, and mind.  It will shake this world to its core and call people to the heart of God!

Learning to Love the Little Years

There’s a Cabbage Patch baby doll lying on the end of our bed, dressed in my 3 year old’s pajama shorts that reach up to her little cloth neck.  As I make up our bed, I find toy food everywhere underneath our sheets-a plastic apple here, a donut there.  A little stuffed Disney Lady is sweetly sleeping in Daniella’s crib with a toilet paper holder over her mouth as a pacifier.  Minnie Mouse is tied on the swing on Abby’s little playground.  Somewhere from the back of the house you can hear a faint “Mommy!  Mommy!”  I almost trip as I stumble over Little People scattered over the floor.  I look down at my arm to find something brownish green stuck there-is that dried baby food or poop?  I take a quick whiff....whew, it’s just prunes.  One thing is for sure;  in fact it is unmistakable; this is a home of little ones.  

It’s the age of tea parties, my Little Ponies, Disney Princesses, Veggie Tales and Curious George.  I walked into our living room the other day in between our language classes to find Abby camped out on her bed sheets on the floor playing. She exclaimed,  “I’m a spy monkey like Curious George, Mommy!”  In the mornings, she can be heard singing from her bed “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”, “You Are My Sunshine”, or “The Alphabet Song” in a LOUD voice.  She is just getting into playing dress up which is, let me be honest, quite fun for me too.  (Maybe it is true that some of us are always kids at heart.)  

From the time Abby’s eyes spring open in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night, she is an endless ball of energy!  Being 3 years old is an exciting time where the world is an open frontier of endless possibilities just waiting to be explored.  If you have little ones then you know exactly what I mean.  It is amazing the amount of energy they have!  And although there is certainly time for them to be independent in their play throughout the day-it has a time limit.  Otherwise, you may walk into your toddler’s room to find she’s colored over every available surface or spilt water everywhere (and these are the mild surprises versus bigger ones such as your toddler trying to feed your baby or painting on the walls).  I’m astounded how Abby’s happy little world can fall to pieces if she falls and hurts her knee or steps on a thorn.  Bless her heart, it’s like her little world has ended and only a bandaid can make it better.  After all they do have special magic healing powers, you know.

And the questions!  Oh, the questions!  We can’t even get through a page in reading our books and Abby has a question.  And of course you know her favorite questions “Why?”  Why does the mouse want to color a picture, why is Papa Bear mad, etc......”  Some times I feel I can’t bear to answer another question. And what in the world do you tell your 3 year old when she asks, “Before you and Daddy met where was I?”  Oh man!  That question certainly isn’t in the parent handbook.  Yet I am so thankful for her curiousity and wonder and desire to learn and grow.  Her little eyes are so precious as  she looks up eagerly at me and Selvin as she learns timeless Bible songs with us like “Sing Hosanna” and “This Little Light of Mine”.  And who knew that “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” could have endless verses?!

Lord, renew my sense of wonder and innocence like this.  To see Your world with those eyes, to have faith like a child, where nothing is impossible.......

Abby so treasures her time with us as a family.  Every night she wants to know what we will do as a family that evening, will we read books or have a family movie night or family worship, or family game night.  It doesn’t matter what we do as long as we are together.  

Lord, give me eagerness and desire to spend time with You as My Father.  It doesn’t matter what I’m doing-whether it’s reading Your Word, praying, playing guitar, singing and worshipping, help me long to be in Your presence.  Help me and Selvin as our little girls’ parents to spend quality time with them.  To mirror Your love for them as we love on them.

There are some days (often many more than I’d like to admit) where I am just wanting to  have enough energy to get the girls down for bed that night.  But then I talk to my Mom or Dad and they remind me how fast these little years pass.  And then I realize I really do love these little years-I may not be naturally good at them but if I am working hard to rely on the Lord He will enable me to be just what my kids need at that moment of hurt or pain, He will show me how to laugh with them, how to love them and how to make them feel special.  

Motherhood has changed me so much.  I am not the same woman I was when I began and I am so thankful.  It is never pretty and I oftentimes dread the pain that’s coming as another layer of my sinful nature is peeled off.  

As I am learning how to serve my children during this season in our lives, during this ministry of motherhood, I have learned how selfish I really am.  How quickly I tend to get irritated or frustrated because things are not going how I want them to.  Abby is taking too long to do something that I could have done myself in no time.  Daniella is up at 2 am and not sleeping through the night once again. It’s times like these that the ugliness of my soul is truly revealed-where in the dark of the night when it’s just me and my crying baby and I’m exhausted. frustrated. absolutely fed up-my carnal nature rises to the surface and ugliness pores forth.  

I cry.  

I stare into the face of who I really am when all of my defenses are down.  when all my strength is dried up and I suddenly realize I have been trying once again to do this all on my own.  I have not cried out to the Lord for help FIRST.  

Oh dear Jesus, I am so utterly hopeless without Your saving grace.  My righteousness is like filthy rags.  Why do I do the things I don’t want to?  Why don’t I do the things I want to, that I need to?   Please forgive me for all the countless times I fail.  Help me to always run to Your arms.  You are my refuge and my strength, my ever present help in trouble.  Where does my help come from, oh Lord?  I lift my eyes up to the hills to You my maker!  I praise You that You never sleep nor slumber. You will set my feet on broad places and save me from my enemies-especially myself.  Thank You for Your endless, extravagant love and Your beautiful, unconditional grace!

Then there are the absolutely beautiful, picture perfect days of being a mother.   I watch Abigail running across the yard towards me, a big smile stretched across her face, her eyes lit with joy, her little legs running as fast as possible and her arms pumping to propel her along.  She says in her sweet little voice “Did you know I love you Mama?”  Or she’s standing in front of the mirror belting out the song “Let It Go” from Frozen.  

I hear Daniella say “Mama” for the first time.  I watch her wake up and the moment she sees me her face erupts in a beautiful, toothless smile.  She starts to crawl and the world changes as we know it.  Or having laughter overcome us all as Abigail and Daniella make each other laugh hysterically.  

And I am SO. GRATEFUL.  I am SO HUMBLED that God chose me to be a mother to these precious children.  My heart swells with love and tenderness.  It is my prayer that I will be ever humble as God teaches me so much about unconditional love, faith, hope, and joy through my kids.  I realize the wisdom from one of the books I’m reading that says my worst mistakes can double as some of my greatest parenting opportunities.  Oh how I cling to this hope! 

Thank You Lord!  May I die to myself each day as I learn how to be the mother You have called me to be.  It is so painful at times but so worth every tear and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.  Thank you for Your promise in Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your book?”  Wow!  These words give me life and awe me of Your divine power, love, and care for me.  Thank You Lord that You care so much for me.  Fill me up with Your love and overflow in my life so I can show others the hope and peace only You bring-starting with my family.