A Lament for COVID19

Lord, I seek Your perfect peace to chase away my fears, to stand guard over my heart and mind

Rescue me and deliver me, for You are steadfast and immovable,

You have never failed me yet.

Deliver us from this current epidemic

Forgive me for my anxieties when I take my eyes off You and trust in the strength of my own feet,

Nevertheless, You promise the righteous won’t be shaken, help me to be righteous, shining ever brighter as the rising dawn, fixing my eyes on you.

You are my hiding place, my fortress, my shelter from the storm

Save me from my pride of self-sufficiency and desire to control my world, 

as all my plans have been scattered, all my allusions of control shattered.

Save my kids from the fears and anxieties that threaten to consume their minds,

The anger and sadness that renders me wrecked and hopeless some days watching them fight through it.

Deliver me from the “what ifs” the Enemy whispers in my ear,

Help me to fear no bad news because my heart is steadfast,

You have conquered death and rose to life from the grave,

Surely You will defeat these current struggles and all will be well, all manner of things will be well.

So I will plant my feet in the path You lead me,

Grounded in Your truth, with my gaze ever fixed on Your face.

I will proclaim Your light in the midst of this present darkness,

To my family, my neighbors, all I am able to herald Your truth.

I will praise You because You never change,

You are the same as You were yesterday, today

And You will remain the same tomorrow.

Help me to remember that this is not how things should be-the constant pain, strife, hardships and trials of this world,

It will not be so in the mended wood one day, 

But until that day comes, I will take time to lament.

*Photo credit: Lainey Johnson

https://www.psalm96pics.com/Class/

A Time To Lament

“I don’t know a soul that’s not been battered; I don’t know a friend who feels at ease. I don’t know a dream that’s not been shattered or driven to it’s knees.” 

                                                                                    -“The American Tune” by Simon & Garfunkel

We sat cross-legged on the floor, in our darkened room, tea lights softly flickering in the shape of the cross. It was a reverent space, one designed for us to take the time to walk the way of the cross-the events leading up to the resurrection of Jesus. We read the timeless words of Matthew, the girls asked questions, and then we listened to some songs specifically chosen to help them understand the historical times of Jerusalem. “They laid his body in the tomb……” We pondered what it would be like to be a disciple of Jesus, to hear of his death, to hide away in their homes, unsure of who could be arrested next, to feel hopeless that their teacher was dead, not to understand why, and oh the questions they must have had. Then we blew out the final candle, prayed, and lingered in this space of lamentation.

But what exactly does it mean to lament? If you had asked me this question, even a few years back, I would have looked at you with a blank expression written all over my face. Yet, I have been through some dark seasons since that time and little-by-little, I have begun a journey on what it means to lament.

In fact, during this recent season of our worldwide epidemic, it is as if God is teaching me speed lessons on this topic. Although, I confess that a part of me, honestly all of me, went kicking and screaming like a spoiled child denied her favorite candy. 

When COVID19 restrictions first came to our neck of the woods, or rather to our spot of civilization out in the Ugandan bush, my biggest concern was that my personal planner (or diary as my British friends call it) ran out in July, and since all international travel had been canceled, there was no way I was getting a new one. I panicked a bit (you planners out there-you get it right?). Fast forward a few weeks (which seems like eons at this point), and I can laugh with my friend about it now. We talked about how we can’t even plan next week, much less next month; laughing so much my eyes teared up. My how our perspectives change, huh? I, like many of you, have been greatly disappointed in how NOTHING these past few months has gone as expected and the reality that they will continue to change, that I am a bit paralyzed in trying to plan a few months down the road. It’s all I can do to thrive each day. It takes every bit of my energy to focus on living intentionally, choosing to walk by faith and not fear, by the Spirit during this current chaos.

I realize that this is a very superficial level of disappointment in light of the many other struggles that people globally are facing with the ramifications of COVID19. There has not been one of us who has not been affected in some way by this current pandemic. Job loss, depression and anxiety spiking in those already struggling, an increased feeling of isolation and emptiness, hunger and possible starvation in third world countries already struggling to survive on any given day, families saying goodbye via video chat rather than in person, weddings or honeymoons postponed or drastically altered, people struggling with cancer or other life-threatening illnesses now facing an even greater killer…..difficulties and hardships compounded with this new struggle all over the world. I cannot help by wonder, is God calling us to a time to lament? 

What does that even mean? 

In a recent IMB (International Mission Board) article, the writer stressed the importance of us learning the language of lament. “This historic prayer language is how the people of God vocalized their sorrow, poured out their frustrations, and mourned their exile. Over a third of the Psalms feature this minor-key song. This divinely given liturgy creates a pathway for navigating the fears, frustrations, unfairness, and conflicts of life. Instead of allowing the pressures of ministry to create despair or a stoic denial, lament invites us to talk to God with all the messiness and grit required for perseverance. Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust. It is the emotional language of loss as Christians turn to God in their sorrow, lay out their complaints, ask boldly for God’s help, and recommit themselves to trust. A few notable examples are Psalms 13, 10, 22 and 77. Lament moves us through the pains of life and leads us to reaffirm our trust in God.”

The Bible has so many places where we see grief and sorrow vividly displayed-raw, ugly, riveting pain that cannot help but render depths of emotion from our very own souls as we relate-from books like Lamentations to Job in his immense suffering to Psalm after Psalm where David poured out his heart before the Lord in wide open, holding nothing back emotion.

When Lazarus, one of the friends of Jesus died and Jesus reached his home, the John 11 account says that Jesus wept. He revealed the compassion in his heart and paused to grieve with the people, even knowing that He would use his power to raise him back to life again. WHEW! That is something, isn’t it? Another time in the Scriptures, when Jesus is about to enter Jerusalem, Luke says he wept over the city. (Luke 19:41-44). He knew the city would reject him, he felt it deeply and was moved to tears. If Jesus, fully God and fully man, allowed emotion to pour forth from him like water from a stream, then surely I can lament with a Savior like that.

If the words of Ecclesiastes 3 are true and there is a time or season for everything, then there must also be a time to spend intentionally dwelling in our sorrows. In his book, “The Emotionally Healthy Church” by Peter Scazzero, the author talks about grief when we do not deal with it. He said, “Stuffed down and denied, losses gather in our souls like heavy stones that weigh us down…loss is loss. It is the norm of life, not the exception….What is universal is that we all experience sorrows and are invited to grieve and grow through them.”  

I’ve been going through a “Mourning and Dancing” study by She Reads Truth; slowly sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking up his presence as I lament different things. My girls and I sat one day, penning words that expressed our grief over COVID19, how it has affected our world, and the rest of the larger one. Our spirits felt burdened within us, like black storm clouds, swollen with heavy rain needing to be released. We wrote, and we wrote some more until we had finished laments that gave way to our grief. It was a very healing time, and we walked away from it feeling heard and loved by God. We listened to “Weep with Me” by Rend Collective and drew strength from the heartfelt words of beseeching our Savior to mourn with us.

This week I listened to a podcast that talked about using music to help us lament. Joy Clarkson, the speaker, shared, “There is this holy space reserved in the holy cannon of scripture….where God says pour out your lament and weep….As a culture we are used to lamenting in private, in isolation, if at all. Bach’s St. Matthew’s Passion calls us to lament together as the church. (Help Me Lament! Episode #101, Speaking with Joy).

God continues to teach me different ways to express my mourning-turning to His word, listening to worship music, or wringing out heartfelt tones with each violin note strung. I gain wisdom from listening to podcasts and preachers on the subject along with shared discussions with my husband and close friends. I continue to grow in this practice, and I feel it will be a life-long endeavor.

 The words from Sir Henry Taylor resonate more and more with me: “He that lacks time to mourn lacks time to mend.” So, during this forced slow down pace of life that COVID has provided for us, I am making time to mourn, to lament before the Lord. 

During this unprecedented season, let us, as the global church share what we are learning with one another. This blog is the beginning of a series concerning this topic, join me on this collective journey,  discovering a deeper faith together. We press forward to the hope of our Jesus and the promise of heaven where tears and suffering will be no more and a time to lament will be finished. 

But until then, let us take time to lament.

He's Got This, What Have You Got?

Unbelievable. Unprecedented. Unforeseen. These are just some of the words that I have read or heard during this current epidemic. We hear horrifying stories of people rashly acting selfishly and not considering the safety of others in the least. Of people raising prices on essential food goods and making selfish gain on the backs of the weary and downtrodden. We wonder about the family situations of those in third world countries like India or South Sudan who already live in impoverished and abusive situations-how does this current epidemic escalate their troubles? Here in Uganda, out in the bush where we live, the Karamajong live day-by-day-they do not have the means to stock up on supplies for one month.

Yet, we also hear stories of hope. Such as the German government sending planes to evacuate Italians to their own hospitals. Teachers are riding through the neighborhoods of their students in a car parade to raise their spirits. Or, we watch videos of neighbors and family members visiting the elderly via social distance-separated by a window-but serenading hymns together. (There’s a fun light-hearted show by Jim for my fellow Office fans called SGN you should check out.) These are the stories we must focus on the ones that bring hope. And these are the stories we must strive to tell others-wherever our sphere of influence is currently.

The spread of this epidemic strikes fear into all of our hearts-it does not disparage between class or race or religion. It is affecting us all-each of us, albeit in different ways. When it eventually ends, and the dust clears-none of us will be the same. One of my favorite Bible teachers recently said, “We have our feet on the temporal ground of our world, but we need to cast our eyes toward eternity.” (Sally Clarkson “Feet in the Present, Eyes Toward Eternity” #378 episode podcast). I realize this is the way we should live each day as we search for His kingdom, but it is during times such as these that we are reminded in an even more tangible way of this necessity.

We must draw near to God. 

But it may be that to accomplish this, we must go down first. We must humble ourselves. Each of us, in some way or another, has been at the very least stripped of some comfort or on an even greater scale will be sorrowed by the loss of some one we knew and or loved. Could it be that this is a time to lament as followers of God? To face the pain and losses that this sickness will render and take the time to process the weight of the sorrow truly. Earlier this week, I read an article by Time magazine addressing this time. The author wrote, “But perhaps what we need…..is to recover the biblical tradition of lament. Lament is what happens when people ask, “Why?” and don’t get an answer. It’s where we get to when we move beyond our self-centered worry about our sins and failings and look more broadly at the suffering of the world. It’s bad enough facing a pandemic in New York City or London. What about a crowded refugee camp on a Greek island? What about Gaza? Or South Sudan?” (https://time.com/5808495/coronavirus-christianity/?fbclid=IwAR0fwBakRAp5g72UEoPnxtlJyLHU4YIVBFW07cIpABVUH7Zfs2Boj17RK6M)

It is easy at a time like this to lose perspective, to lose sight of who we are in light of who God is. Most of us know at least a little about Job and all that he suffered. But do you know of the many lamentations that bleed off those same pages? God knows that we hurt and He even included many examples in His word of others crying out to him. But He doesn’t just leave us suffering. He reminds us of His power. 

His strength. One of my favorites comes in chapter 38, after Job’s wife and closest friends attempted to give their advice. The title is “God Speaks Now To Job”. All of it is incredible, but I’ll include only a small portion here. It says God answered Job out of the whirlwind and told him to gird up his loins like a man, leading to vs. 4:

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who set its measurements? Since you know. 

Or who stretched the line on it? On what were its bases sunk?

Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together

And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Or who enclosed the sea with doors when, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;

When I made a cloud its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band,

And I placed boundaries on it and set a bolt and doors,

And I said, “Thus far you shall come, but no farther;

And here shall your proud waves stop?’

Have you ever in your life commanded the morning,

And caused the dawn to know its place……”

And it goes on with example after example of God’s power and might. Whoa! I don’t know about you, but that certainly puts things into it’s proper perspective. If we serve a God who by only His words created all things and holds all things in place, we can rest assured-He’s got this current strife.  

Are you letting the peace of God rule in your heart (Colossians 3:15)? Allowing it to seep into you so that it guards your heart and mind in Jesus (Philippians 4:7)? Or, are you giving in to fear? He’s got this, what have you got?

Draw comfort from Psalm 27:1- “The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? 

The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?”

Isaiah 26:3-4 promises: 

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast,

Because they trust in you.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.” 

Where are you placing your hope and finding your safety? Are you running to temporary distractions or developing bad habits that only dull the pain? He’s got this, what have you got?

Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength,

An ever-present help in trouble. 

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

And the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

Though its waters roar and foam 

And the mountains quake with their surging.”

Cling to Psalm 32:6-“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble

And surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Psalm 88:1-2 “Lord, you are the God who saves me; 

Day and night, I cry out to you.

May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry.”

Memorize these words of truth. Right them down. Post them on the walls to be an ever-present reminder. Let Him fill you with strength so you can minister to a hurting and broken world battling with fear every day.

Are you seeking His will each day-to see how you can serve Him and offer hope? Through the way you love your family, through the way you love your neighbor, your co-worker, those you don’t know-whether in your neighborhood, a street over, or across the world?

He’s got this, what have you got?  

What am I truly rich in?

I sat on a threadbare mat stretched out hospitably on the painstakingly cleared dirt floor; one of my little girls nestled in my arms on the verge of sleep and the other by my side, listening to our friend Maria share about how she came to know God. Recently we had a medical team from the US visiting us and so we took them to one of the villages where we live.  Beaming joy radiates from Maria's eyes as she shares about the faithfulness of God.  Then her husband Lotonkol shared his story.  I'd heard their stories before but, today, something different stirred in my heart. I've been asking God to show me what it means when the Bible says the poor are blessed, that the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. I've been imploring Him to show me what it means to truly long for heaven.  From my western viewpoint, I have never known true hunger.  I have never experienced material want. Indeed, I have never been in any kind of physical sense of want.  I know that this is God's grace and He is the one who ultimately provides for all of my needs. But I have also come to realize how much of my own self-sufficiency and dependency is oftentimes an idol to me AND how this can even be a hindrance to my faith. How I am often so bogged down with planning for the future and things I think I have control over. How frequently I look forward to the things financially that we are able to do or buy, that I allow trips or material things to become an idol. And, that I even find my joy in them.

I am indeed the rich man in Matthew 19:16-30 who asks Jesus what he must do to get eternal life.  And Jesus' final reply: "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Then it says, "When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God. When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  I am truly undone when I hear this story.  I now identify so much with this rich man.

I have come to realize since moving to Africa that unbeknownst to me before, when compared to the rest of the world I am the wealthy.  The statistics are really staggering. (One such example is that a typical American earns an income that is 10 times the income received by someone living in another part of the world. Or another....America as a nation is among the top percentage of wealthy people in all the world.)  Is this hard for you to believe?  It certainly was a shocker to me. But when truth comes to light, we must either choose to accept it or run from it in denial.  I was faced with the truth of accepting it and every day I wrestle with what it looks like to be a rich American in a predominantly poor African country. The Lord has been so patient in teaching us as a family what it looks like to be generous here.  And by His great mercy He is using our African brothers and sisters to teach us what it truly means to be RICH in KINGDOM things versus earthly things.

A few months ago when I was preparing to lead a Bible study of the Beautitudes (Matthew 5/Luke 6) to our Karamajong partners, God really challenged me to truly let Jesus' words sink into my heart and discover more of their meaning.  Especially since I have the privilege of serving among our African friends here;Í many of them believers who have such great wisdom about the Bible. I am constantly amazed at what I learn from them-especially since I have been so influenced by my own American worldview, even in my Christianity.

As I sat in our friends' village, Maria broke out into a Karamajong worship song-"You alone are God. You are the only one who helps us." All of the men, women and children gathered began clapping and joining in.  Our voices joined in melodious harmony. I was overwhelmed with the beauty of the moment.  I imagined God hearing this fragrant offering of worship being lifted up to the heavens-the praise of His people-a people group largely isolated and unknown to the rest of the world, out in the middle of the bush of Africa-and I could feel it. I could feel His kingdom come to earth. These precious people, considered poor by the majority of the world, are rich in a way that many people will never understand.  They are not bound by the physical trappings of this world.  There is such wealth in the simplicity of their lives as they are free to focus on the eternal things that truly matter-  the treasures of His kingdom, where moths and thieves and rust cannot destroy!  The richness of their faith-especially of their incredible hope and resislence of spirit is truly inspiring. 

As we moved to the next song, the lyrics were like a balm to my heart-I was challenged by the faith of my Karamajong brothers and sisters.  We sang: "I am going to the kingdom of God.  There is no starvation.  There is no fighting. There is no hurting.  There is no death." I inhaled deeply and let these words sink in.

And there it was.... a whisper gently, softly, sweetly sinking down into the very deepest recesses of my soul-if my mind is focused on HIS kingdom, then I will truly long for heaven.

And the Holy Spirit answered my prayer, He gave me a glimpse of what Luke 6 is talking about.  

"Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven"

I must choose to not be like the rich man in the story.  Each day I am faced with the choice to focus on the kingdom of God or to focus on the kingdom of earth.  I must choose to not content myself with the physical ease and comforts of this world.  Instead, I will rest in Him and be obedient to go where He calls me to.

Yes, Jesus, Yes!  I hear you. Oh how I want to hold on to this moment. How I want to learn from my Karamajong brothers and sisters as they live out their faith here. Please keep teaching me what it means to seek first your Kingdom.  I know that I will never truly understand until I get to heaven, but continue to awaken a hunger in me to pursue it-to pursue YOU. I pray Matthew 6:10 "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

I have much to learn.  I pray my kids learn it-way down deep-all the way to their very souls.

May we learn to be truly rich in HIS kingdom.

I WAS THE LION

[Aslan speaking to Shasta] “I WAS THE LION who forced you to join with Aravis. I WAS THE CAT who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I WAS THE LION who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I WAS THE LION who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mill so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I WAS THE LION you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

This year my girls and I have begun reading through the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis.  He has always been one of my favorite authors and I’ve been so excited to watch as my kids develop a love for his work.  A few months back we finished reading “The Horse and His Boy” (one of the earlier books in the series).  I was struck by the unique way that Lewis painted a picture of the presence of Jesus in our lives through his infamous character Aslan. I wanted to share some of the beautiful parallels he gave that spoke to my heart and whispered of Christ’s love for us.

The book tells the story of an orphan boy named Shasta and his adventures-often quite perilous- as he makes his journey to the land of Narnia. He does not know who Aslan is until the end of the book.  The quote above is when Aslan is talking to him.  I was reminded of the truth of God’s Emmanuel presence, woven through scriptures like…

John 1:14: “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father full of grace and truth.”

Matthew 28:19-20: “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

 Revelation 21:3: “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.  He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.”

I recently read a blog called, “God Where I Don’t Expect Him” https://sarahclarkson.com/thoroughly-alive/2018/7/12/god-where-i-dont-expect-him

where the writer reflected on how her life changed as she just had her first precious baby.  As she strived to prepare her heart for this new season, she tried to sort through anxieties and worries and sought out one of her mentors for his wisdom. In response to her expressed fears he said, “I wonder if what you’re really fearing is that you will lose the presence of God…We all have a way we are used to finding God; a certain rhythm of being, an emotional or mental state we seek by habit that helps us to come to a place of peace or prayer, centeredness or calm.  If you, by nature, usually find joy in the transcendent-in movement and travel, in big ideas and long times of reading and huge swathes of silence-the prospect of a life in which those activities are severely curbed can make you feel that you’ll lose your way to comfort, or hope in God.”

These thoughts resonated in my soul as I pondered the different ways in the past I have felt comfortable finding God’s presence.  As a college student, I remember having long quiet times where I could read the Bible, listen to praise music, and journal for hours. That was amazing! 

(I WAS THE LION)

When I started having kids, it was a rare occasion to be able to carve out hours for my devotional every day; so I settled for a few minutes where I could grab it. I began posting Bible verses around my house-in the kitchen or on the bathroom sink mirror-places I frequented often where I could read it ponder it as I went about my day.

(I WAS THE LION)

Then I moved to Africa and began learning another language and learned the meaning of humility and dependence on the Lord in a whole new way. (I WAS THE LION)

I began to fall in love with the Dinka of South Sudan and as our lives intersected together each day, I began to truly understand what it would be like to worship with ALL nations before His throne one day.

(I WAS THE LION)

We left South Sudan with bleeding, broken hearts and Jesus began to teach me what true lamentations looked like. 

(I WAS THE LION)

Then the Lord used prayer to teach me about seeking His presence-learning to sit quietly before Him and to give space for Him to speak to me. (I WAS THE LION)

Last year we moved to Uganda for a new place of service and I learned that many are a man’s plans but God’s ways are so much higher than ours. (I WAS THE LION)

Then God started using my time exercising to show me His presence-running down the road as I listened to music, admiring His beautiful creation of the rocky, rolling hills.  

(I WAS THE LION)

During one of our recent Karamajong church meetings, I looked around at my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ with a heart overwhelmed with wonder and love.  I am challenged every day by their faith. 

(I WAS THE LION)

This month, He has begun to show me His presence while sitting and playing UNO with my kids.  Just being fully present in the moment with them, encouraged by their youth and innocence. (I WAS THE LION)

As I think back, I realize how often my heart becomes content in the comfort of the familiar patterns in my life, only to be jolted out into a new season. But the wonderful thing is that if I truly ask myself this question-am I willing to be stretched and challenged to see God’s presence in new ways in new seasons then I know my expectations will not be disappointed because God DOES NOT disappoint.  He exceeds my expectations in EVERY WHICH WAY. And you know what the biggest thing is that I’m learning?

Wait for it….

 I am learning that I am the one who is changing-He is ALWAYS with us- UNCHANGING and CONSTANT and SURE, it is me who is learning simply to RECOGNIZE His daily presence in my life, to be FULLY PRESENT in the MOMENT.

Drop the mike

Let me restate this truth for you and me. The presence of Jesus is ALWAYS with us; it is only a question if we recognize him.  Do we hurry through our days and miss His Spirit gently leading us to us to slow down and savor Him?  Or do we rest in Him and learn to keep our ears attuned to His voice?  For we have this promise:

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8

So today I am going to try and rest at the feet of my Savior, letting go of my worries and trusting in Him to provide the grace I need for each moment.  For He IS THE LION!