Learning to Love the Little Years

There’s a Cabbage Patch baby doll lying on the end of our bed, dressed in my 3 year old’s pajama shorts that reach up to her little cloth neck.  As I make up our bed, I find toy food everywhere underneath our sheets-a plastic apple here, a donut there.  A little stuffed Disney Lady is sweetly sleeping in Daniella’s crib with a toilet paper holder over her mouth as a pacifier.  Minnie Mouse is tied on the swing on Abby’s little playground.  Somewhere from the back of the house you can hear a faint “Mommy!  Mommy!”  I almost trip as I stumble over Little People scattered over the floor.  I look down at my arm to find something brownish green stuck there-is that dried baby food or poop?  I take a quick whiff....whew, it’s just prunes.  One thing is for sure;  in fact it is unmistakable; this is a home of little ones.  

It’s the age of tea parties, my Little Ponies, Disney Princesses, Veggie Tales and Curious George.  I walked into our living room the other day in between our language classes to find Abby camped out on her bed sheets on the floor playing. She exclaimed,  “I’m a spy monkey like Curious George, Mommy!”  In the mornings, she can be heard singing from her bed “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”, “You Are My Sunshine”, or “The Alphabet Song” in a LOUD voice.  She is just getting into playing dress up which is, let me be honest, quite fun for me too.  (Maybe it is true that some of us are always kids at heart.)  

From the time Abby’s eyes spring open in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night, she is an endless ball of energy!  Being 3 years old is an exciting time where the world is an open frontier of endless possibilities just waiting to be explored.  If you have little ones then you know exactly what I mean.  It is amazing the amount of energy they have!  And although there is certainly time for them to be independent in their play throughout the day-it has a time limit.  Otherwise, you may walk into your toddler’s room to find she’s colored over every available surface or spilt water everywhere (and these are the mild surprises versus bigger ones such as your toddler trying to feed your baby or painting on the walls).  I’m astounded how Abby’s happy little world can fall to pieces if she falls and hurts her knee or steps on a thorn.  Bless her heart, it’s like her little world has ended and only a bandaid can make it better.  After all they do have special magic healing powers, you know.

And the questions!  Oh, the questions!  We can’t even get through a page in reading our books and Abby has a question.  And of course you know her favorite questions “Why?”  Why does the mouse want to color a picture, why is Papa Bear mad, etc......”  Some times I feel I can’t bear to answer another question. And what in the world do you tell your 3 year old when she asks, “Before you and Daddy met where was I?”  Oh man!  That question certainly isn’t in the parent handbook.  Yet I am so thankful for her curiousity and wonder and desire to learn and grow.  Her little eyes are so precious as  she looks up eagerly at me and Selvin as she learns timeless Bible songs with us like “Sing Hosanna” and “This Little Light of Mine”.  And who knew that “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” could have endless verses?!

Lord, renew my sense of wonder and innocence like this.  To see Your world with those eyes, to have faith like a child, where nothing is impossible.......

Abby so treasures her time with us as a family.  Every night she wants to know what we will do as a family that evening, will we read books or have a family movie night or family worship, or family game night.  It doesn’t matter what we do as long as we are together.  

Lord, give me eagerness and desire to spend time with You as My Father.  It doesn’t matter what I’m doing-whether it’s reading Your Word, praying, playing guitar, singing and worshipping, help me long to be in Your presence.  Help me and Selvin as our little girls’ parents to spend quality time with them.  To mirror Your love for them as we love on them.

There are some days (often many more than I’d like to admit) where I am just wanting to  have enough energy to get the girls down for bed that night.  But then I talk to my Mom or Dad and they remind me how fast these little years pass.  And then I realize I really do love these little years-I may not be naturally good at them but if I am working hard to rely on the Lord He will enable me to be just what my kids need at that moment of hurt or pain, He will show me how to laugh with them, how to love them and how to make them feel special.  

Motherhood has changed me so much.  I am not the same woman I was when I began and I am so thankful.  It is never pretty and I oftentimes dread the pain that’s coming as another layer of my sinful nature is peeled off.  

As I am learning how to serve my children during this season in our lives, during this ministry of motherhood, I have learned how selfish I really am.  How quickly I tend to get irritated or frustrated because things are not going how I want them to.  Abby is taking too long to do something that I could have done myself in no time.  Daniella is up at 2 am and not sleeping through the night once again. It’s times like these that the ugliness of my soul is truly revealed-where in the dark of the night when it’s just me and my crying baby and I’m exhausted. frustrated. absolutely fed up-my carnal nature rises to the surface and ugliness pores forth.  

I cry.  

I stare into the face of who I really am when all of my defenses are down.  when all my strength is dried up and I suddenly realize I have been trying once again to do this all on my own.  I have not cried out to the Lord for help FIRST.  

Oh dear Jesus, I am so utterly hopeless without Your saving grace.  My righteousness is like filthy rags.  Why do I do the things I don’t want to?  Why don’t I do the things I want to, that I need to?   Please forgive me for all the countless times I fail.  Help me to always run to Your arms.  You are my refuge and my strength, my ever present help in trouble.  Where does my help come from, oh Lord?  I lift my eyes up to the hills to You my maker!  I praise You that You never sleep nor slumber. You will set my feet on broad places and save me from my enemies-especially myself.  Thank You for Your endless, extravagant love and Your beautiful, unconditional grace!

Then there are the absolutely beautiful, picture perfect days of being a mother.   I watch Abigail running across the yard towards me, a big smile stretched across her face, her eyes lit with joy, her little legs running as fast as possible and her arms pumping to propel her along.  She says in her sweet little voice “Did you know I love you Mama?”  Or she’s standing in front of the mirror belting out the song “Let It Go” from Frozen.  

I hear Daniella say “Mama” for the first time.  I watch her wake up and the moment she sees me her face erupts in a beautiful, toothless smile.  She starts to crawl and the world changes as we know it.  Or having laughter overcome us all as Abigail and Daniella make each other laugh hysterically.  

And I am SO. GRATEFUL.  I am SO HUMBLED that God chose me to be a mother to these precious children.  My heart swells with love and tenderness.  It is my prayer that I will be ever humble as God teaches me so much about unconditional love, faith, hope, and joy through my kids.  I realize the wisdom from one of the books I’m reading that says my worst mistakes can double as some of my greatest parenting opportunities.  Oh how I cling to this hope! 

Thank You Lord!  May I die to myself each day as I learn how to be the mother You have called me to be.  It is so painful at times but so worth every tear and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.  Thank you for Your promise in Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your book?”  Wow!  These words give me life and awe me of Your divine power, love, and care for me.  Thank You Lord that You care so much for me.  Fill me up with Your love and overflow in my life so I can show others the hope and peace only You bring-starting with my family.