Failure To Thrive

The words Failure to Thrive are written across the top of the lab work sheet-they threaten to nag at me, looming at the back of my mind, telling of my failing as a mother, at our defeat as parents.  Lord, what is happening?  We have loved this baby and worked so hard to give her the best we have.  Please give us Your guidance.  Comfort us with Your perfect peace and we pray You would cause Daniella to grow!

Over the past almost month and a half, we have been in Nairobi as we have visited doctors to investigate Daniella’s struggle to keep weight on.  She is petite and that alone certainly didn’t bother us, but our company’s medical care wanted us to do all the precautionary work while we were in the city with access to good medical care versus out in the bush with none.  We could not be medically cleared until Daniella put on some weight for 2 consecutive weeks.  While we are very thankful to have this medical care, oh how our hearts ache to be back among the Dinka.  We have struggled greatly with knowing there is still so much work to be done in Kuajok, while we had to remain away longer than expected to have things sorted out.  

While this issue of weight gain seems to be a pretty common problem among children, even back in America, it is nonetheless disheartening to have your child diagnosed with this.  It hurts this mama’s heart as Satan tries to use it to discourage me from my task as a mother. As I mother two littles, the Lord has been teaching me how great and sacred my calling is and I want to please Him in all aspects of raising our children. And this current issue, this has been more difficult than I expected it to be.  Oh how my heart has been heavy and burdened by the weight of it.

God understands when I hurt.   And I recognize that even this is a part of spiritual warfare-I can either let Satan discourage me or cling to the Lord-in His mighty strength and power.  Ann Voskamp’s words ring true in my soul,  “I won’t shield God from my anguish by claiming He’s not involved in the ache of this world and Satan prowls but he’s a lion on a leash and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, and I can cry and I can howl and He embraces the David-hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief and I can moan deep that He did this-and He did.”  (One Thousand Gifts) I just have to trust that God has had a plan in all of this.  I JUST. HAVE. TO.  He loves me. He loves my baby and He wants His best for her.

Ultimately I know that the Lord is the only one who can make my baby grow.  And yet I know it’s my job as Daniella’s mother to honor my calling.  I have spent countless hours pouring over recipes of how to pack in extra fat in her food, painstakingly making her food by hand, striving to make every bite count.  And throughout this process the Lord has begun teaching me something else- of the even greater spiritual calling on the lives of our children.  Imagine if due to our lack of spiritual nourishment as parents, Failure to Thrive could be stamped across the lives of our children.  How often have I lived out the words true of Lamentations 2:19 ….. “Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord.  Lift your hands toward him for the life of your young children.”

Dear Jesus, please let me be faithful to teaching Your Gospel to our children every day.  In my daily walk with You-giving grace to them, especially when I don’t feel like it.  I am at a complete loss on my own-help me to cling to You as You pour out love and grace like a river, rushing over my tired body, cleansing my weary soul.  You give me rest and hope.  Help me show Your Gospel of redemption to them in the way I love on people-especially the ones who are difficult to love.  In the way I forgive, especially when it hurts.  Let me faithful in showing Your compassion to those in need.  In pouring out Your love in extra measure when they hurt. And in relying on You to be my strength and shield, in becoming like Jesus with skin on, I know You will enable my girls to thrive.  To thrive in the very ways that matter the most, their eternal walks with the King.

Perspective: Missions is a Privilege not a Sacrifice

David Livingstone, Speech at Cambridge University on Having an Eternal Perspective and role as a missionary

“For my own part, I have never ceased to rejoice that God has appointed me to such an office.  People talk of the sacrifice I have made in spending so much of my life in Africa..Is that a sacrifice which brings its own blest reward in healthful activity, the consciousness of doing good, peace of mind, and a bright hope of a glorious destiny hereafter?  Away with the word in such a view, and with such a thought!  It is emphatically no sacrifice.  Say rather it is a privilege.  Anxiety, sickness, suffering or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink; but let this only be for a moment.  All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall be revealed in and for us.  I never made a sacrifice.”

How these words echo in my heart!  How they convict my soul.  How I long for this to be my perspective.  All too often I catch myself deflating my pride by thinking about things I’ve given up on the mission field.  I think about missing modern day conveniences like washing machines, fast food restaurants, high speed Internet, electricity 24/7.  Because the truth is-all of these things are fleeting. 

Those material things are nice to have but it is by far most difficult to be away from my family- knowing that we are missing huge milestones in each other’s lives-they are missing the baby learning how to walk, first days of school, I am missing graduations, new job offers, birth of my friends’ babies, and weddings.  And then there’s just the daily doing of life together-to be able to share in the joys of a great day, rejoicing over victories or venting about the bad ones-for these are the times when souls are knit together.…..It is hard to be away from dear friends back home who I could call without a moment’s hesitation for anything, those who know me inside and out.  When I dwell on these things I get discouraged, I lose my joy. Certainly I feel like I’ve made huge sacrifices. Some days more than others I feel this-when I lose my eternal perspective.   Yet, for all the things I have momentarily given up, the Lord has provided again and again in His unfailing love in His eternal riches.  He has provided friends who are like family here on the mission field (though they could never replace the ones back in America), He has bound my heart to them and they encourage and inspire me always-to spur me on in love and deed to the high calling of serving Jesus on the field.

The only thing that is eternal is building up the kingdom of God and the only way that happens is by being obedient to the Lord.  

Dear Jesus, may my mindset and my heart change it’s perspective to grow so much in love with You that I consider my life nothing that I may run the race that is set before me.  That I remember your suffering on the cross-how you gave up everything so a lost and dying world would have the hope of you.  Though my spirit may waver, though my flesh fails, though my soul  may sink-let these all be but for moment as I set my eyes on your eternal truth.  May my life shout “I never made a sacrifice”.

What is Your Costing Point? Part 2 of 2

Many people ask us how we got here to Africa.  We didn’t just wake up one day with God’s calling as clear as a bell to go transplant our lives to this third world country (if that were the case we probably would have run away screaming!)  It began with a series of small steps of obedience to Him-when He provided us with ministry opportunities while we were in college: leading Bible studies, discipling other believers, being mentored ourselves by older, mature believers in the way of the Lord.  Allow me to share with you some of our journey of obedience to God…..

In the midst of our daily “yeses” to God, He also called us to local missions in the downtown soup kitchen, public schools, nursing homes….to state missions throughout Georgia in youth detention centers, pet therapy in children’s homes, aiding orphans and widows.  

We followed Him in obedience to national missions throughout the US-to New Orleans to help rebuild houses after Hurricane Katrina, to Alabama with World Changers, to Florida with M-Fuge.  

We served Him in obedience internationally through mission trips to Thailand to serve the people affected by the tsunami, to India to minister to school students, orphans, and encourage pastors in churches, to Haiti to help strengthen churches after the earthquake. 

If you say yes to God in the small acts of obedience, the opportunities to minister to a hurting, bleeding world are absolutely endless. Along the way, the Lord grew us in our faith and because we were actively involved in serving others, I truly believe we were able to be in tune to the Lord’s leading when He did indeed call us to Africa.  And while we are currently serving in South Sudan, it is a daily process of taking up our cross and being obedient to God.  This is by no means the end-we didn’t figure everything out in our arriving on the field here, we don’t know how long the Lord will have us serve here before He leads us elsewhere.  But today, right now, we are seeking to live surrendered to His will alone in our lives so we can be faithful servants.  To say yes to God and no to our selfish desires that get in the way of serving Him with all our heart, soul, and mind.

 It is through these faithful acts of love and obedience to the Lord that He will build up Your faith.  And what is so beautiful is that all of our callings of service are so unique-there is no certain way to serve the Lord.  “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” If you are able to give your costing point over to the Lord what He gives you in return is of far more worth-it is eternal, forever.  You Will. Not. Regret. It.

What is Your Costing Point? Part 1 of 2

“Does it not stir up our hearts, to go forth and help them, does it not make us long to leave our luxury, our exceeding abundant light, and go to them that sit in darkness?”

Amy Carmichael, A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliott

I love this!  How convicting! I feel this articulates our call from the great commission in such a powerful way.  She continues…..

“You who can resist the half-articulate pleading of many and many a heart today, can you resist this?  From millions of voiceless souls, it is rising now-does it not touch you at all?  The missionary magazines try to echo the silent sob.  You read them?  Yes, and you skim them for good stories, nice pictures, bits of excitement-the more the better.  Oh!  you-you, I mean, who are weary of hearing the reiteration of the great unrepealed commission, you who think you care, but who certainly don’t, past costing point, is there nothing will touch you?”  

My heart weeps at these words.  My eyes overflow with tears.  For the Word of God says that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  And Jesus instructs his followers to pray for workers to be sent into the harvest.  NOT for the harvest itself.  For God is already, yes, He is ALWAYS moving and working.  Pouring out His Spirit upon the thirsty souls of people in desperate need of Him.  

EVERY DAY we see the reality here in SS, there are too few workers.  There are so many thirsty souls here longing for discipleship.  We are here but we are 2 families among thousands of unreached peoples who need to hear the hope that the Gospel brings.  It is true that it is the Lord who does the work-yet He calls us as His chosen and anointed ones to live among the lost-to be His light in our earthly bodies-to show the people what it means for theology to have skin on in the form of being sanctified by His glorious, life-changing love, truth, and grace.

I truly believe the Lord has brought us here to SS for such a time as this-after decades of civil war this baby country needs to be fed, yes the physical needs are here as famine threatens to overwhelm many parts of this country, but even more so spiritually speaking.  There are COUNTLESS opportunities to serve here in various capacities.  I pour my heart out like water before the Lord and beg Him to send workers.  Will you answer His call for Your life?  Don’t say that He hasn’t called you.  For He has.  It is His command to us in the Great Commission.  You may say you care for the souls of the lost but truly what is your costing point?  

What is the point in your life where you dig in your heels, hold on tight and say, “Nope!  Can’t do that Lord!”  Or maybe you don’t resist the Lord quite so blatantly-maybe you keep yourself so busy without a spare minute because if you stop, if you have some quiet, your soul begins to speak out of it’s gaping hole.   What is the point in your life where you don’t want to release your control and give it to the Lord?  Is it a person?  You think surely the Lord understands that they need you.  Your family?  Your health?  For God has all things in His control and He does care.  He wants you to let go and trust Him with all your heart as you follow in obedience to Him.  Don’t expect to have all the answers-you won’t.  You must trust God little by little and follow Him. 

Fire Will Test Our Work

I have started reading “A Chance to Die”, the missionary biography on Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliott.  I’ve always been drawn to Amy Carmichael.  Only a few chapters in, I am so encouraged by what I’ve read.  Amy grew up in a loving, Christian home, surrounded by parents who taught her and her siblings fervently in the ways of the Lord.  Amy served others from a very early age and was inspired by 1 Corinthians 3:12-14 “Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw-each one’s work will become manifest, for the day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.” 

Wow!  These words struck me to my core.  Because truth be told, there are many good things we can do for people.  But God wants us to do GREATER things for His glory.  He doesn’t want us to be caught up with things that don’t really matter-that suck our energy away and prevent us from doing the things that point others to His glory-the things that are KINGDOM MINDED and ETERNAL.   I often catch myself saying yes to too many things and then being overwhelmed and unable to really invest in the things that really matter and that have eternal significance.  

Dear Jesus, I pray You will enable us to do work in faith and obedience to you-that it may be with gold, silver and precious stones-things that are not easily come by.  Things that take time to be refined in us-in our deepest trials and circumstances.  

Help it not to be work done hastily (as with wood, hay, or straw)- in my flesh or in disobedience.  I am reminded daily of how great our task is here in South Sudan.  Many days it feels like our whole house goes up in smoke with only ashes remaining-when Selvin and I argue or fight, when the girls are having a bad day and I haven’t given them the grace needed, when little things are getting under my skin and I’ve spent all my energies worrying after them, when cultural expectations overwhelm me-whew!  

God, help me to keep my eyes so focused on you that these days become fewer and farther between; teach me how to handle them with more grace so I can reflect Your tender mercy. I cling to Your Word in Nahum 1:7 that says “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in Him.”