The words Failure to Thrive are written across the top of the lab work sheet-they threaten to nag at me, looming at the back of my mind, telling of my failing as a mother, at our defeat as parents. Lord, what is happening? We have loved this baby and worked so hard to give her the best we have. Please give us Your guidance. Comfort us with Your perfect peace and we pray You would cause Daniella to grow!
Over the past almost month and a half, we have been in Nairobi as we have visited doctors to investigate Daniella’s struggle to keep weight on. She is petite and that alone certainly didn’t bother us, but our company’s medical care wanted us to do all the precautionary work while we were in the city with access to good medical care versus out in the bush with none. We could not be medically cleared until Daniella put on some weight for 2 consecutive weeks. While we are very thankful to have this medical care, oh how our hearts ache to be back among the Dinka. We have struggled greatly with knowing there is still so much work to be done in Kuajok, while we had to remain away longer than expected to have things sorted out.
While this issue of weight gain seems to be a pretty common problem among children, even back in America, it is nonetheless disheartening to have your child diagnosed with this. It hurts this mama’s heart as Satan tries to use it to discourage me from my task as a mother. As I mother two littles, the Lord has been teaching me how great and sacred my calling is and I want to please Him in all aspects of raising our children. And this current issue, this has been more difficult than I expected it to be. Oh how my heart has been heavy and burdened by the weight of it.
God understands when I hurt. And I recognize that even this is a part of spiritual warfare-I can either let Satan discourage me or cling to the Lord-in His mighty strength and power. Ann Voskamp’s words ring true in my soul, “I won’t shield God from my anguish by claiming He’s not involved in the ache of this world and Satan prowls but he’s a lion on a leash and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, and I can cry and I can howl and He embraces the David-hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief and I can moan deep that He did this-and He did.” (One Thousand Gifts) I just have to trust that God has had a plan in all of this. I JUST. HAVE. TO. He loves me. He loves my baby and He wants His best for her.
Ultimately I know that the Lord is the only one who can make my baby grow. And yet I know it’s my job as Daniella’s mother to honor my calling. I have spent countless hours pouring over recipes of how to pack in extra fat in her food, painstakingly making her food by hand, striving to make every bite count. And throughout this process the Lord has begun teaching me something else- of the even greater spiritual calling on the lives of our children. Imagine if due to our lack of spiritual nourishment as parents, Failure to Thrive could be stamped across the lives of our children. How often have I lived out the words true of Lamentations 2:19 ….. “Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward him for the life of your young children.”
Dear Jesus, please let me be faithful to teaching Your Gospel to our children every day. In my daily walk with You-giving grace to them, especially when I don’t feel like it. I am at a complete loss on my own-help me to cling to You as You pour out love and grace like a river, rushing over my tired body, cleansing my weary soul. You give me rest and hope. Help me show Your Gospel of redemption to them in the way I love on people-especially the ones who are difficult to love. In the way I forgive, especially when it hurts. Let me faithful in showing Your compassion to those in need. In pouring out Your love in extra measure when they hurt. And in relying on You to be my strength and shield, in becoming like Jesus with skin on, I know You will enable my girls to thrive. To thrive in the very ways that matter the most, their eternal walks with the King.
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