There is a Tamil (South Indian) proverb that says “Children tie the mother’s feet.” I find there is a lot of truth in this saying. Mothering is indeed a full-time job involving much personal sacrifice. Honestly, when I answered the call to missions I did not have mothering on my mind. Back in the states before having a baby, I was always by my husband’s side doing ministry and I LOVED it. I thrived in it and I knew without a doubt that I was being obedient to the Lord. Then we had our first child and I realized that things would have to change some. I was working full-time outside of the home and in order to spend time with our daughter I had to cut back my hours of ministry in the church. I could no longer be by Selvin’s side in every ministry endeavor, I was needed at home to take care of our baby. This was indeed difficult, though I loved spending time with Abigail. Nevertheless, it was still a big life change for me. But we adjusted and found a rhythm. Then we got to the mission field and we had our second daughter and things had to shift again. I was no longer working outside of the home and it was a big adjustment for me to be at home all the time with the girls. Like I said before, I didn’t realize the priority and time involved in mothering and how it would impact my life.
I confess that there are many days here in South Sudan where I feel limited to what I can do as far as ministry goes because of all the work that mothering involves. There are so many times I long to go out into the villages more and be with the women-talking, visiting, building relationships, sharing Bible stories. But I often cannot because I need to take care of my children. I need to bear my weight of caring for them so I can free up Selvin to go out and do the work he needs to as well. It is a continual learning process as we try different things to give each other time to minister but as we also learn how to minister together as a family. For our calling to the mission field is a family calling.
I am indeed learning, as Amy Carmichael did as the Lord began to give her Indian children (former child temple prostitutes and orphans) “that if the Lord of Glory took a towel and knelt on the floor to wash the dusty feet of His disciples (the job of the lowest slave in an Eastern household), then no work, even the relentless and often messy routine of caring for squalling babies, is demeaning. To offer it up to the Lord of Glory transforms it into a holy task. It is not the business of the servant to decide which work is great, which is small, which important or unimportant-he is not greater than his master. If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider ‘not spiritual work’ I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
It is my prayer that I’m able to be obedient to the Lord in this every day. I want to rejoice that I am enlisted in the sacred job of mothering and though my children tie my feet, I want them to be tied-I must allow them to be tied during this season of my life, for the sake of Jesus whose feet were once nailed to the cross for me.
Lord, I pray that every act of service I do for my children, for my teammates’ children, for children here in Dinka land, that I would view it as an act of worship unto You. For you have called me to my task for such a time as this. You are my master and you have seen fit to bless us with children. This job of parenting is indeed sacred-You show me this every day and I want to honor and follow you with my whole heart in this mission field.
As my feet are tied to my girls I pray that I would be tied to you. As I offer my body as a sacrifice every day to You please give me the grace, strength and mercy that I need. Help me not to inwardly rebel in disobedience or to wrongly view motherhood as a hindrance-instead by the power of your Holy Spirit keep my eyes open to follow You. To follow Your will in teaching my children, sharing Your stories with the women I have relationships with in the villages, in knowing when to bring the girls along and when to leave them at home. It is such a struggle sometimes to know what You desire of me in this area of my life as I strive to balance my job as a mother and as a missionary. Help me to see how they are indeed one in many ways and to seek your perfect wisdom each day, even moment by moment. Tie me to You my God and never let me go.
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